Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
