The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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