woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Less talking, more tequila
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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