so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
