everyone is single if you try hard enough
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
