Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
