I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
