I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
