Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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