i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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