All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
