Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
