I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
