highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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