idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
