Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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