It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
