i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I did not marry a roomba.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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