I only kidnapped one of them. chill
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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