I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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