She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
