this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize