im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
