Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
