there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
