Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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