cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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