Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
