Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
