No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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