A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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