Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
now i know why i became what i already was.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
