I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
