Im at strip club and am horny
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
