All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
