I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
