this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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