I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
