i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
