if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm getting married
To pizza
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
