My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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