I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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