walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hippo gnu deer
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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