from now on my penis is your penis
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
