dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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