Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Terrible idea I love it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
