I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
