there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
