i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
