Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize