I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
