they said they heard you say put it in my butt
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
