at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
