We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
