He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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