one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
