haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
These tits shall not be calmed
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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