I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
