i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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