I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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