You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Boobs speak an international language.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
