My brain says no but my pants say off.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
