well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
