Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
