Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
