Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
