I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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