What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Someone shit on the floor
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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