are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
