sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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