Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
