Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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