he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
