What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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